Breath

The world could stay silent. Just for a while. The cool air feels refreshing on my sun tanned skin. The darkness blindfolds me, all I can see is a distant streetlight. I breath in the fresh air and close my eyes. I feel like in a forest. The scent of trees wraps around me. I listen. There's nothing to hear, only the sound of my beating heart. The world could always stay this silent, I'm tired from the noise. My ears can rest. I look at the sky. Is it always this beautiful? The moon is as bright as my soul. The stars form in different shapes. I could look at them for eternity, but still notice new drawings. Yes, the sky is like a drawing. The most beautiful of them all and it's not man-made. I can still feel the scent of the rain. It's my favorite scent in the world. Just minutes ago the tender raindrops were touching my skin, soaking me, calming me. I hope the rain will come back. I'll wait for it. And when it will return, I'll smile to the sky, thanking it for this moment.

Not the same me

Some of my so called "old friends" have started to write and call me. And I hate it. I have changed and those are the people I don't want in my life anymore. I remember those dark, depressive days and I don't want to return and I don't want to see anyone I considered my "friend" at that time. Leave me alone, let me go on with my life, I won't let you drag me down, not again, not ever. I'm not the same person, not the same Aleksis. Don't bother and never even remember me.
"I've got a new world in my view". Like the lyrics of the song. I have completely changed in the last two years, I'm not the same person, I don't even look like the old me. I have deleted that part of my life and it does not feel good to remember and those people really don't get it that we have nothing in common? Nothing at all! I'm on the right path now and I'm not stepping off of it, I know my goals and I'm gonna reach them, I won't let anyone stand in my way. The life I had is not the one I want, but trust me, no one will drag me back! I'm strong and I can make the right decisions.

I'm not dead, I'm busy

I am so sorry for not posting for so long, but I have been so busy with my studies and exams and everything, but I've finally got myself together for this article. A lot has happened lately. Really A LOT. I've gone through lots of ups and downs, but it finally seems that everything in life is starting to find it's place. Life is like a roller coaster one minute you're up there and the next one you're going down. I feel peaceful, I know it's only temporary, but at least for a moment I can sit down and relax. It actually feels weird to have free time, I'm used to the rush, to the never ending obligations. I can finally lay down and read a good book and it feels great! I'm enjoying the freedom while I still can, but I know that September will come fast and it's just gonna be more difficult next semester. There will be new people, new things, new problems. But I don't care, I'm strong, I will survive this. Right now I'm feeling enthusiastic, bring on the adventures! Bring it on! Let's see what this summer can offer me.

Regret nothing

I need to learn how not to regret things. I've done many things I'm not proud of in my life. I've made so many mistakes. Regret is the worst feeling. I wish I could turn back time and fix it all. Or if I could just forget everything. All the bad memories (believe me I've got many of them) I wish I could lock them in the deepest corner of my mind. But I can't run from the past. I need to find a way how to live with it.
But on the other hand we only live once. I shouldn't look back, only forward. I should be strong. Why is it so hard to forget the things that you want to forget the most? I wish my memories had a "Delete" button. "Play" and "Pause" would be great for the best ones.
I have to learn how to live with the past. Ok, it's not that bad, it's not like I have killed anyone or been in prison. But there is a part of my life that I am not proud of.
I promise myself to be strong, at least to try being strong. I'm gonna have a different look at the world. Everything happens for good, right? Then maybe everything is how it's supposed to be. We learn from our mistakes. I have much to learn, in that case, I'm a bad student. Writing this down is making me feel a lot better.
Despite this depressive post I am happy. There is someone who makes me smile all the time, the one will understand. ^^

Imperfections

Guess what? -I am not a robot.

People are waiting too much from me. Nobody is perfect, NOBODY. And I'm far from perfect. I'm tired of pretending to be someone who's not me. And you know what? I'm not gonna pretend just to get your appreciation. If you don't like me for who I am that is not my problem. I am an individuality, I never run after someone and I'm never gonna run after you. You have to realize it. Look at me, this is who I am, you can't change me. I'm like the wind. My body is here, but my mind likes to wander. I am so complicated and if someone will try to make a simpler version of me it's just not going to work like that. People should like each other of who they are, not to pretend who they're not. Nobody is perfect, you have to realize it, even you have imperfections. I know I have and a lot of them, but lets make those minuses into pluses. Without all those little imperfections I wouldn't be myself. That's what makes me an individuality. That's what makes us so different from each other.

Painkiller Overdose

I am so sorry for not posting for so long, but I have been super busy and I've still got so much left to do and time is not on my side, that's for sure. I am home and I will be here for a while. I'm skipping school for a week or so. What made me do this? -Pain.
I went to the dentist on Monday and obviously something went wrong and my whole jaw hurts so much. I can't speak or eat normally, I can't chew anything, I feel like a grandma. I'm on painkillers all the time, without them I would just die. It hurts so bad, I can't remember the last time when I was so desperate from pain. I just want it to stop. I just want to fall asleep and wake up and realize this is all just a bad dream. But even my dreams can't save me. I hate waking up in the middle of the night and taking painkillers just so I could fall back to sleep. I know I'm overdosing them, but I don't care. Can something bad happen if I overdose painkillers? That's the last thing on my mind right now, 'cause all I want is to get rid of the pain. Do I use the word 'pain' too much? If so, then I'm sorry if it annoys you, but please think how I feel. - Awful. My dentist said that this is normal![I don't know if I can believe her] She said it will hurt for another week. I don't know if I will be able to suffer through this. Yes, 'suffer' is the real word how to describe my feelings. Please, pray for me..;D

I'm back on the road.

My Easter break has expired and I'm going back to the campus tonight. Damn, I really don't want to, but from the other hand I'm starting to miss Riga. Anyway, I probably won't be posting anything new for a week or so, but maybe I will, I don't know. I will miss you guys, I've started to really like blogging, it's addictive...;D

xoxo
SkinnyBoy