Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Bring back the memories

Tonight after a jog in the dark. I was siting on the stairs outside and watching around. I remember seeing this view with child eyes. Everything has changed. But deep inside I know that nothing has changed, I'm the one who's changed. I've grown up. And now I saw the same things with adults eyes. Where did the little boy in the old pictures go? Is he still somewhere buried deep inside me? Or is he gone? Tonight I want to bring him out, to run freely and laugh, to play hide and seek, to play ball, act childish, I want to smile for no reason, I want to live like this once again. Where did all my friends go? I still have two childhood friends and they are the best ones. But where did the rest of them go? Right now I want to see them all and play in the sandbox. I miss my bright blond hair I had then. And those bright eyes. I miss the energy I had. I miss me. Will I ever see him again? That little boy. Will he ever come back? Is he still a part of me? I know I ask a lot of questions, but it's because I don't have the answers.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Never believe me.

I wish I could tel you the truth.
I wish you would understand.
But you won't believe me.
No one believes in the truth.
Everyone wants to hear lies.
And that's what I've become.
A liar.
I am a liar.
I lie.
To you, to them, to myself.
I lie.
I always lie.
But I wish things were different.
I wish things were right.
Truth complicates everything.
But I can fix it with a single lie.
And so I lie, Again and again.
I never stop.
I never will.
The truth is too painful, even to me.
So we live in the world of lies.
The lies made by me and you.
I know you lie too.