Thursday, April 12, 2012

It's different

You know what? It's all changed. Everything. It's so different from what I expected. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. It's not me in the mirror, it's not me in my skin. It's a stranger. I've gone so far that I don't even recognize myself anymore. How did this happen? How did everything happen?
Life is like a train. And it feels like mine is going too fast and it has no driver. I should take the wheel in my hands and take control. But I don't. I'm letting the train go fast-forward while I'm sitting alone in the backseat. I don't want it to crash, but I'm afraid that might happen.
The things that used to matter to me are now gone. Sometimes I just don't know what I'm doing. And every day I have no clue of what's going to happen next. I'm afraid of letting go of the things that mean the most to me. I'm afraid of not living up to my full potential.
It's just different.
But if I'm still capable of writing this, then I know - it's me. Deep down behind the fake smile it's still me you're looking at.