Saturday, September 11, 2010

Kiss me and say goodbye

Things are happening too fast. I don't know you that long, but you act like we're a couple. But we're not. And I don't like that you try to control me. I can't be controlled. I live beyond the borders. Although it feels so great when we are together. It doesn't feel like that when we are separate. You call me too often. Even at night. You woke me up at 5am. And you ask me why I turned off my phone? I can't live like this. Because of you I don't get to see my friends. I am late for school and I can't do my homework. You keep me up at nights. I know it feels so right when I fall asleep next to you. And when I wake up and see your eyes still so dreamy, but focused on mine. It feels so great when you kiss me, when you smile, when you hold me in your arms, when you say you want me. I want you too, but not like this. Not all the time, not every night. I have a life too, I can't always be there for you. I have obligations, I can't keep living like this. When I think of it, I really don't want to do this, but this must end. We can't be together. It will be hard for me to say goodbye, but next time you call, I will tell you everything. I don't want you to hate me, I don't. But I don't want you to love me. I can't be loved. This must end. Before I can admit that I might actualy be in love with you.

3 comments:

sisija said...

oh, wow. patiesi. īpaši tā pēdējā rindiņa.

jautājums, vai tam visam pirms pēdējās rindiņas maz ir jēga, vai vienkārši esi nobijies? ja neesi tikai nobijies, tad tādām attiecībām nav nākotnes, bet ja tev vienkārši ir bail, varbūt ir vērts bailēm pārkāpt pāri?

Vampire said...

Aw. Did you send the person that?

Romance said...

Uzdod sev jautājumu "vai es varu dzīvot bez viņas?" un tad zināsi kā rīkoties. Protams, ir no tiesas patīkami just mīļumu, apzināties, ka esi mīlēts and so on, bet vai tu spēsi izturēt viņas neatlaidīgo uzmanību? Ir jāļauj arī otram cilvēkam dzīvot savu dzīvi, kad nepavada laiku kopā. Toties pārāk liela uzmanība (drīzāk uzmākšanās) ar zvaniem, īsziņām un visu ko pārējo var novest līdz depresijai vai vēl sazina kam. I have been there, I know that feeling -_- Man bija līdzīgi (gandrīz sagājām kopā, bet puiša neatlaidīgā rakstīšana skypā un sms bija pārlieku uzmācīga). Saku no pieredzes - viņš noveda mani līdz depresijai, tiku no viņa vaļā un pēc tam jutos brīnišķīgi. Beidzot bija miers. Tiesa, vairs nebija tas mīļums, ko ik dienu saņēmu, bet par to es nospļāvos, jo zināju, ka kādreiz tikšu pie labāka puiša. Tā kā novēlu tev atrast veidu kā sakārtot domas un jūtas, un izdarīt pareizo izvēli! :)