Forward

As I was standing in the crowd, watching all the people smile, celebrating the independence day, looking happy, I realised something. Later, I was walking the crowded streets with a coffee in my hand, looking gorgeous, but alone. I felt completely alone. All this time I've been holding on to something that's long since over. Something that doesn't exist anymore, something that's only in my head. I've been telling myself lies, although I knew the truth all the time, I didn't want to admit it. As hard as it is, but I have to move on. I have to stop torturing myself. And although it hurts like hell, but I have to let you go, completely let go.
From time to time I read the old text messages and letters, I have to delete them. I have to delete the number from my speed dial. I have to get rid of it all.
I need a new start, something new, someone fresh. I need someone to help me forget. I need to look forward. Move forward and not to look back.

'Maybe' is enough for now

Tears started rolling down my cheeks when I read your letter. Day by day when I was checking my email, only to hopelessly find it empty, I never thought that you might write back. I thought I was naive, that I was expecting too much. I was, actually. The words that struck me the most were not "I don't know when I might be back" or "I have no clue about the future". It was "I hope you will make the right decision and that you will be better if we stayed friends". Because I know there is no such thing as "friends" in our case.
We're all really so heartbroken and fucked up. Or is it just me? Everything I've put myself through in the last couple of months has been so pointless, I see that now. All the hopeless thoughts and hopes, dreams and accusations have been so unnecessary. I've done nothing wrong, I shouldn't have blamed myself for anything. We both made no promises, we had a compromise. A compromise I took too literary. I kept telling myself that it would all get back to the way it used to be, that I would just have to wait. But it will never be the way it used to be.
Maybe, in time, we could start over. Just maybe. But 'maybe' is enough for now. I will try not to get too attached to this idea. It's a long time. People change. We both have and we both will change even more. The thing is, I know my value. But what you deserve is someone else, something more. I want you to be happy, even if it means that you're happy without me. Even if it means that you're happy with someone else. I would hate that person, but I would respect him at the same time. Respect him for making you happy.
But this doesn't mean I'm giving up.
Time will show. But for now - thank you for everything, you're very special to me.

Ocean

Sometimes I feel like drowning in my own head. Choking with my thoughts as they fill my lungs like water. My mind's turned into this deep ocean - new, mysterious & dangerous. It's unexplored. Who knows what could be hiding there. Sharks, monsters and ship wrecks.
The water's freezing cold, 'cause in my mind it's already winter. There's a huge storm in the distance, coming closer every minute. And the harsh, restless wind is keeping me awake. But all I want is to fall into unconsciousness and sleep. Dream. To dream of the lazy mornings and unforgettable nights, the warmth of your touch, the way you look at me, the way you kiss me. Your eyes, your lips, all of you... You're stuck in my head.
You're somewhere far from the ocean, someplace warm. While I'm here, drowning in my own head.

This one's for you

It's official. I am happy. My face doesn't lie, my smile doesn't lie. I don't lie. I finally don't lie. I'm true. And I have been waiting for the truth to come. And it came. It finally came. The way my eyes sparkle, the way my laughter fills the room, the way it fills the space between us. And as the space narrows, as our lips comes closer, I realise. I realise that you're the one I'm happy with. The one I don't have to pretend with. The one I don't have to lie to. The one. You are the one. One and only. You can feel special, you know you do. And you are special, you're in my heart. And you're not getting out so easily, you are staying.
It's hard to describe the feeling inside. "Like" is not exactly how I feel about you, it's something stronger, something more. It's something I can't defined, something new, something worth fighting for, you're worth fighting for. You make me happy. And happiness is something I had lost. It's something I needed to find. And you gave it to me. And now we're sharing it.
And when your eyes set to mine, when your gentle lips kiss me, everything fades away, but only you remain. And then I smile, I kiss you on the forehead and smile. Be mine.

Tears

It hurts. A lot. It's been weeks since I'm walking around with this large, empty hole in my chest. And it's not getting better. I'm suffering. I can't stand the pain anymore, I can't fight. I'm not strong enough, I'm not strong at all. I am weak and always will be. When the tears dry new ones wet my cheeks, new ones soak my pillow. Memories cut deep my already broken heart, my shattered heart. It's in a million pieces and each one belongs to you. If only you would take them all with you.
You left so suddenly, I wasn't prepared, but I could never be prepared, I could never forget. I will never forget. When you left you disapeared. I can't find you, I've tried. When you left, happiness left me too, it will never come back and you will be lost forever. I know I can't change anything, but I will die trying. I wish I could turn back time and live in the past, 'cause I can't face the future without you. You left me alone, you left my soul die.
It hurts so much to wake up alone. I can't look at the things you left behind, it's too hard, but sometimes, I take them out from where I've hid them and try to remember your scent, I try to remember the feeling when you held me in you arms, when you breathed on my neck, when you whispered 'I love you'. And then I cry. I cry for long, lonely hours and scream until I fall asleep. And when I wake up at night and see that I am so alone in this world, a part of me dies. And now every part of me is dead and I wish I could drawn in my own tears, I wish I would never wake up. I wish I was dreaming you still needed me and the dream would never end. Because I know that in reality that dream would never come true.

Your burning touch

I see my breath hanging in the cold morning air. The sun is gone, it's been a while since I felt the sun gently touching my skin, warming me, calming me. But I don't need no sun. I've got you. You're not only warming me, you're making me feel hot, you make me feel safe and protected. I know it can be difficult with me, but you seem to manage it. And you manage it perfectly. Everything about you attracts me to you, you're like a magnet and I can only let myself been drawn to you. You are my gravity, my reality. I don't need dreams when reality is much better than any dream I've had before.
Every time you kiss me, my lips are set on fire and every time you smile, my heart is burning too. Just a single touch makes my skin burn. Just a single look makes me smile. And just a single word makes my heart fly. I wish that every morning I woke up next to you. The distance can be hard to bare, but I can manage it, I am strong. And so are you. You're stronger, a lot stronger than me.
Tonight I'll go to sleep and dream of your kisses. I miss them. I miss you. I know you do too. But I can wait. For you I am ready to do everything. And I mean it.