Forward

As I was standing in the crowd, watching all the people smile, celebrating the independence day, looking happy, I realised something. Later, I was walking the crowded streets with a coffee in my hand, looking gorgeous, but alone. I felt completely alone. All this time I've been holding on to something that's long since over. Something that doesn't exist anymore, something that's only in my head. I've been telling myself lies, although I knew the truth all the time, I didn't want to admit it. As hard as it is, but I have to move on. I have to stop torturing myself. And although it hurts like hell, but I have to let you go, completely let go.
From time to time I read the old text messages and letters, I have to delete them. I have to delete the number from my speed dial. I have to get rid of it all.
I need a new start, something new, someone fresh. I need someone to help me forget. I need to look forward. Move forward and not to look back.

The play without the plot

Life is challenging. Remember, I said I like challenges? I do, I really do. And this year so far, I have been winning them, I just hope this keeps going on. I just hope the luck doesn't run out. I've had my first breakdowns, first fights, first romances and a first of everything else. Every thing's a first, 'cause it's my new life, the one I promised myself to live. To live & be happy, that is what I said. but I can't promise that, can I? I can only hope. Someone once told me that happiness is a mood, not a destination. Then what is the destination? Where am I headed for? Or am I just freelancing on my own? 'Cause I don't really have a plan, I let things happen, good or bad, but they happen. I think they call that faith. But what is in charge of us? Is it faith or is it just us? Maybe faith is something abstract, something imaginary and all we have is our free will. And to be honest, I don't know what to do with it. I have this weird sensation of knowing what I want from life in general and being completely clueless what to do with it at the same time. So I keep freelancing. I am on my own.

I decide to forgive or to forget, to love or to hate.

And so I have decided.

I will forgive the person who made me smile.

I will forget the times I cried.

I will love myself.

I will hate... I don't know what to hate.

A fresh start

My new life starts today. Forget who I was and get used to the person I've become. You don't have to like me, the most important thing is that I love myself. That is all that matters. I love myself more than others, so others can't hurt me anymore. There is this wall in front of me. And I'm not letting anyone to go around it. I am locked in my own world where I am in charge, where I make decisions. And for the first time in a long time there is a smile on my lips when I am writing. And this smile comes from the heart. It's not a mask, it's not a lie. It's me. I've killed a part of my past, a part that was haunting me. And now when it's dead, I can start with a fresh view to the world.
And so much is gonna change now. Everything is about to change. Everyone & everything around me is gonna be new. I will have new challenges, I have new goals. A new life, a fresh start. That's what I wanted and that is what I got.
This year is a blank page, but it's about to change soon. There are gonna be new stories, new secrets, new adventures. It's all out there, waiting for me. And I am gonna throw myself into it. and I won't look back. I won't.
I'm not a little naive boy anymore, I have grown up. That is how I feel. I feel grown up. And it's a good thing.