Next stop: G&M

I started this blog when I felt the need that I had to put away all the things that were going on in my head. And then I stopped, 'cause I found a way to deal with them. This blog has helped me a lot through the years, but I've 'grown out' of it.
However, I would appreciate if you would take a look at my fashion blog GALAXIES&MORE
Take care.

The City

It was one of those nights when the whole city felt alive. As I walked in the darkness through the misty rain, I felt the city breathing. It breathed in a peaceful rhythm and as the fresh night air stroked my skin, I knew the city was alive. I could hear its heartbeats in every little raindrop hitting the dark pavement. And in this early hour I was all alone on the lantern-lit streets. And so the city walked with me. It knew where I was going, it came to say goodbye. It came to wish me luck. And I knew right then that this city will miss me, I'm its friend. And when I stood under the glass-tile roof, I could see the citys energy vibing from the ground, going upwards - towards the rain. The city was crying when I left, I whispered 'I'm not leaving you, not just jet.'

Forward

As I was standing in the crowd, watching all the people smile, celebrating the independence day, looking happy, I realised something. Later, I was walking the crowded streets with a coffee in my hand, looking gorgeous, but alone. I felt completely alone. All this time I've been holding on to something that's long since over. Something that doesn't exist anymore, something that's only in my head. I've been telling myself lies, although I knew the truth all the time, I didn't want to admit it. As hard as it is, but I have to move on. I have to stop torturing myself. And although it hurts like hell, but I have to let you go, completely let go.
From time to time I read the old text messages and letters, I have to delete them. I have to delete the number from my speed dial. I have to get rid of it all.
I need a new start, something new, someone fresh. I need someone to help me forget. I need to look forward. Move forward and not to look back.

'Maybe' is enough for now

Tears started rolling down my cheeks when I read your letter. Day by day when I was checking my email, only to hopelessly find it empty, I never thought that you might write back. I thought I was naive, that I was expecting too much. I was, actually. The words that struck me the most were not "I don't know when I might be back" or "I have no clue about the future". It was "I hope you will make the right decision and that you will be better if we stayed friends". Because I know there is no such thing as "friends" in our case.
We're all really so heartbroken and fucked up. Or is it just me? Everything I've put myself through in the last couple of months has been so pointless, I see that now. All the hopeless thoughts and hopes, dreams and accusations have been so unnecessary. I've done nothing wrong, I shouldn't have blamed myself for anything. We both made no promises, we had a compromise. A compromise I took too literary. I kept telling myself that it would all get back to the way it used to be, that I would just have to wait. But it will never be the way it used to be.
Maybe, in time, we could start over. Just maybe. But 'maybe' is enough for now. I will try not to get too attached to this idea. It's a long time. People change. We both have and we both will change even more. The thing is, I know my value. But what you deserve is someone else, something more. I want you to be happy, even if it means that you're happy without me. Even if it means that you're happy with someone else. I would hate that person, but I would respect him at the same time. Respect him for making you happy.
But this doesn't mean I'm giving up.
Time will show. But for now - thank you for everything, you're very special to me.

Ocean

Sometimes I feel like drowning in my own head. Choking with my thoughts as they fill my lungs like water. My mind's turned into this deep ocean - new, mysterious & dangerous. It's unexplored. Who knows what could be hiding there. Sharks, monsters and ship wrecks.
The water's freezing cold, 'cause in my mind it's already winter. There's a huge storm in the distance, coming closer every minute. And the harsh, restless wind is keeping me awake. But all I want is to fall into unconsciousness and sleep. Dream. To dream of the lazy mornings and unforgettable nights, the warmth of your touch, the way you look at me, the way you kiss me. Your eyes, your lips, all of you... You're stuck in my head.
You're somewhere far from the ocean, someplace warm. While I'm here, drowning in my own head.

A Letter

There's something I have to get off my chest. There's something I want to tell you, but can't find the right words. But I am going to try.
I have known you my whole life and as far as I can remember myself, we have been there for each other, we have always been best friends. And nothing in the world is ever going to change that. I know a lot has happened lately, I know that you have been through so much. And it must be so hard right now, but I want you to know that I support you as much as I can.
Your whole life is about to change soon. But I want you to be happy, even if that means that I won't be a part of your daily life anymore. Even if that means that we won't be able to do spontaneous reckless things together, even if that means I'm gonna have to say goodbye. I want you to know that I support you and your choices. And I think that you have made the right choice. You inspire me, going alone, so far away from everything that's familiar, going somewhere strange and distant, leaving home. I look up to you and think "That girl is brave". And I know you must be scared, I would, but I am sure that you're gonna do great! Because I believe in you.
You're like a sister to me, like a family. That's why this is so hard for me. I know that I'm not going to loose you, you'll always be a phone call away if I want to talk to you. But it just won't be the same. I am not going to be selfish. I'm happy about you, but so sad at the same time. I try to imagine how it will be, but my brain can't realise it yet. I can't imagine my life without you, my best friend. You can't be replaced. I know that a thing like this would have happened anyway sooner or later and that I'm probably overreacting and making a fool out of myself. But it's just so hard to let you go.
Remember, you can always count on my support, advice and understanding. I'm going to miss you so much. But right now I want to grab a bottle of martini asti and drink it with you, I know we still have time for that. That and a lot of other things. Let's just gonna enjoy the time we have and be happy.

Your Best Friend.
Always, no matter where you are.

I'm back on the road.

My Easter break has expired and I'm going back to the campus tonight. Damn, I really don't want to, but from the other hand I'm starting to miss Riga. Anyway, I probably won't be posting anything new for a week or so, but maybe I will, I don't know. I will miss you guys, I've started to really like blogging, it's addictive...;D

xoxo
SkinnyBoy