Ocean

Sometimes I feel like drowning in my own head. Choking with my thoughts as they fill my lungs like water. My mind's turned into this deep ocean - new, mysterious & dangerous. It's unexplored. Who knows what could be hiding there. Sharks, monsters and ship wrecks.
The water's freezing cold, 'cause in my mind it's already winter. There's a huge storm in the distance, coming closer every minute. And the harsh, restless wind is keeping me awake. But all I want is to fall into unconsciousness and sleep. Dream. To dream of the lazy mornings and unforgettable nights, the warmth of your touch, the way you look at me, the way you kiss me. Your eyes, your lips, all of you... You're stuck in my head.
You're somewhere far from the ocean, someplace warm. While I'm here, drowning in my own head.

Tears

It hurts. A lot. It's been weeks since I'm walking around with this large, empty hole in my chest. And it's not getting better. I'm suffering. I can't stand the pain anymore, I can't fight. I'm not strong enough, I'm not strong at all. I am weak and always will be. When the tears dry new ones wet my cheeks, new ones soak my pillow. Memories cut deep my already broken heart, my shattered heart. It's in a million pieces and each one belongs to you. If only you would take them all with you.
You left so suddenly, I wasn't prepared, but I could never be prepared, I could never forget. I will never forget. When you left you disapeared. I can't find you, I've tried. When you left, happiness left me too, it will never come back and you will be lost forever. I know I can't change anything, but I will die trying. I wish I could turn back time and live in the past, 'cause I can't face the future without you. You left me alone, you left my soul die.
It hurts so much to wake up alone. I can't look at the things you left behind, it's too hard, but sometimes, I take them out from where I've hid them and try to remember your scent, I try to remember the feeling when you held me in you arms, when you breathed on my neck, when you whispered 'I love you'. And then I cry. I cry for long, lonely hours and scream until I fall asleep. And when I wake up at night and see that I am so alone in this world, a part of me dies. And now every part of me is dead and I wish I could drawn in my own tears, I wish I would never wake up. I wish I was dreaming you still needed me and the dream would never end. Because I know that in reality that dream would never come true.

Painkiller Overdose

I am so sorry for not posting for so long, but I have been super busy and I've still got so much left to do and time is not on my side, that's for sure. I am home and I will be here for a while. I'm skipping school for a week or so. What made me do this? -Pain.
I went to the dentist on Monday and obviously something went wrong and my whole jaw hurts so much. I can't speak or eat normally, I can't chew anything, I feel like a grandma. I'm on painkillers all the time, without them I would just die. It hurts so bad, I can't remember the last time when I was so desperate from pain. I just want it to stop. I just want to fall asleep and wake up and realize this is all just a bad dream. But even my dreams can't save me. I hate waking up in the middle of the night and taking painkillers just so I could fall back to sleep. I know I'm overdosing them, but I don't care. Can something bad happen if I overdose painkillers? That's the last thing on my mind right now, 'cause all I want is to get rid of the pain. Do I use the word 'pain' too much? If so, then I'm sorry if it annoys you, but please think how I feel. - Awful. My dentist said that this is normal![I don't know if I can believe her] She said it will hurt for another week. I don't know if I will be able to suffer through this. Yes, 'suffer' is the real word how to describe my feelings. Please, pray for me..;D