Tell them

Look into my tired eyes and tell my story. Share my secrets. Reveal my thoughts. Show them what I have to hide. Look carefully. Can you see my soul? Can you see my heart? Is it broken or is it still beating? Is there any love inside me? Or is there hate? What kind of person am I? Am I good or am I bad? Have I sinned? You know we all have. Are my sins forgiven? Am I forgiven? Look inside me. Every dark corner, every hidden thought. Look behind the shadows, 'cause what's in the spotlight is only half true. Or maybe lies. Maybe I'm full of lies. Then what is true? Search for the truth. There is a truth behind every single lie I make. Tell them the truth. You tell them, 'cause I never will. I've never had.
Look more carefully. And tell everyone. Tell them while I'm hiding my eyes behind the tears. Shout it out if you have to. But I won't listen. I will hide. And I will drawn in my tears not even bothering to try gasping for air. It won't matter anymore if they knew the truth.

Your burning touch

I see my breath hanging in the cold morning air. The sun is gone, it's been a while since I felt the sun gently touching my skin, warming me, calming me. But I don't need no sun. I've got you. You're not only warming me, you're making me feel hot, you make me feel safe and protected. I know it can be difficult with me, but you seem to manage it. And you manage it perfectly. Everything about you attracts me to you, you're like a magnet and I can only let myself been drawn to you. You are my gravity, my reality. I don't need dreams when reality is much better than any dream I've had before.
Every time you kiss me, my lips are set on fire and every time you smile, my heart is burning too. Just a single touch makes my skin burn. Just a single look makes me smile. And just a single word makes my heart fly. I wish that every morning I woke up next to you. The distance can be hard to bare, but I can manage it, I am strong. And so are you. You're stronger, a lot stronger than me.
Tonight I'll go to sleep and dream of your kisses. I miss them. I miss you. I know you do too. But I can wait. For you I am ready to do everything. And I mean it.

Kiss me and say goodbye

Things are happening too fast. I don't know you that long, but you act like we're a couple. But we're not. And I don't like that you try to control me. I can't be controlled. I live beyond the borders. Although it feels so great when we are together. It doesn't feel like that when we are separate. You call me too often. Even at night. You woke me up at 5am. And you ask me why I turned off my phone? I can't live like this. Because of you I don't get to see my friends. I am late for school and I can't do my homework. You keep me up at nights. I know it feels so right when I fall asleep next to you. And when I wake up and see your eyes still so dreamy, but focused on mine. It feels so great when you kiss me, when you smile, when you hold me in your arms, when you say you want me. I want you too, but not like this. Not all the time, not every night. I have a life too, I can't always be there for you. I have obligations, I can't keep living like this. When I think of it, I really don't want to do this, but this must end. We can't be together. It will be hard for me to say goodbye, but next time you call, I will tell you everything. I don't want you to hate me, I don't. But I don't want you to love me. I can't be loved. This must end. Before I can admit that I might actualy be in love with you.

Bring back the memories

Tonight after a jog in the dark. I was siting on the stairs outside and watching around. I remember seeing this view with child eyes. Everything has changed. But deep inside I know that nothing has changed, I'm the one who's changed. I've grown up. And now I saw the same things with adults eyes. Where did the little boy in the old pictures go? Is he still somewhere buried deep inside me? Or is he gone? Tonight I want to bring him out, to run freely and laugh, to play hide and seek, to play ball, act childish, I want to smile for no reason, I want to live like this once again. Where did all my friends go? I still have two childhood friends and they are the best ones. But where did the rest of them go? Right now I want to see them all and play in the sandbox. I miss my bright blond hair I had then. And those bright eyes. I miss the energy I had. I miss me. Will I ever see him again? That little boy. Will he ever come back? Is he still a part of me? I know I ask a lot of questions, but it's because I don't have the answers.

Never believe me.

I wish I could tel you the truth.
I wish you would understand.
But you won't believe me.
No one believes in the truth.
Everyone wants to hear lies.
And that's what I've become.
A liar.
I am a liar.
I lie.
To you, to them, to myself.
I lie.
I always lie.
But I wish things were different.
I wish things were right.
Truth complicates everything.
But I can fix it with a single lie.
And so I lie, Again and again.
I never stop.
I never will.
The truth is too painful, even to me.
So we live in the world of lies.
The lies made by me and you.
I know you lie too.

Breath

The world could stay silent. Just for a while. The cool air feels refreshing on my sun tanned skin. The darkness blindfolds me, all I can see is a distant streetlight. I breath in the fresh air and close my eyes. I feel like in a forest. The scent of trees wraps around me. I listen. There's nothing to hear, only the sound of my beating heart. The world could always stay this silent, I'm tired from the noise. My ears can rest. I look at the sky. Is it always this beautiful? The moon is as bright as my soul. The stars form in different shapes. I could look at them for eternity, but still notice new drawings. Yes, the sky is like a drawing. The most beautiful of them all and it's not man-made. I can still feel the scent of the rain. It's my favorite scent in the world. Just minutes ago the tender raindrops were touching my skin, soaking me, calming me. I hope the rain will come back. I'll wait for it. And when it will return, I'll smile to the sky, thanking it for this moment.

Not the same me

Some of my so called "old friends" have started to write and call me. And I hate it. I have changed and those are the people I don't want in my life anymore. I remember those dark, depressive days and I don't want to return and I don't want to see anyone I considered my "friend" at that time. Leave me alone, let me go on with my life, I won't let you drag me down, not again, not ever. I'm not the same person, not the same Aleksis. Don't bother and never even remember me.
"I've got a new world in my view". Like the lyrics of the song. I have completely changed in the last two years, I'm not the same person, I don't even look like the old me. I have deleted that part of my life and it does not feel good to remember and those people really don't get it that we have nothing in common? Nothing at all! I'm on the right path now and I'm not stepping off of it, I know my goals and I'm gonna reach them, I won't let anyone stand in my way. The life I had is not the one I want, but trust me, no one will drag me back! I'm strong and I can make the right decisions.